i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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