yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
