literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
