god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
