She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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