I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
