my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
