Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
