Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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