so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
