My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
