we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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