i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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