Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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