this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
