Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
