I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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