What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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