I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
