As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
