I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
