your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
