I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
