He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
