If that was your dad, he is hot
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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