Ketchup is God's man juice
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize