My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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