Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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