apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
