I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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