Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're like the curious george of whores
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
