I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
