I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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