apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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