i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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