Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
