Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
