How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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