i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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