I'm so fucking centered right now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize