My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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