i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
