There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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