We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
