ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
