She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
