she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
