Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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