What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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