At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
