Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
