i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
