She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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