when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
