I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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