Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mom said you looked used
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
