He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
