My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
