it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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