found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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