I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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