i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
