Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
