I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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