I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
