arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize