Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
