I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
